What to do when you feel alone in a divorce...?

There are some paths in life that are solo journeys. For some, divorce is one of those paths. Couples who have gotten to the point of divorce have a choice to make about how they will narrate this part of their lives. They don't always slow down and ask themselves who they want to be through the divorce, what they can appreciate about themselves and maybe thier soon-to-be ex-spouse, how they can grow, and where they can go for help with healing. They might feel alone in a crowded room at work, at home, or in public. And, the hurt that has turned to anger and resentment erodes thier sense of worth and purpose. Is this you? Your sister? Your brother? Your mom or dad?

The luckiest of people have supportive friends and families who know them well-enough to offer sound, caring, and loving advice. The unlucky folks do not have anyone to offer sound, caring, and loving advice, or the advice that they do get is quite unhelpful - or worse, about the advice-giver and not them at all. Meeting with a coach can be a good resource for non-biased support and a potential means for creating new healing experiences. Meeting with a divorce mediator could be a great way to get through the divorce knowing that your needs can be a part of the agreement discussion.

Divorce coaching and mediation can be be transformative. Not only can a divorce coach help with communication and meaning-making, and the divorce mediator help with documentation and parenting time, they may be able to help parties learn skills to communicate in ways that can be sustained moving forward. What could possibly be the down-side to being able to communicate with less or no hostility, because parties found a way to speak with one another in mutually agreeable ways? How could that be beneficial for your children or pets?

Finding a coach and/or a mediator who works well with both parties can be a great benefit. If you are able, consider interviewing a few coaches and mediators. Doing a little work on the front end could help you now and in the future. If you are nervous about how to interview them, you might want to take some intentional time to think about what would make you feel comfortable, what concerns you, and what you are hoping to accomplish within coaching and/or mediation sessions. You could write those thoughts out and ask them as exploratory questions during your interview. You could also ask about their work history. For example, what has prepared them to work with you? When you are done with the interview, you can ask yourself how you are feeling and what you think about working with that individual.

I hope, after reading this blog, that there will be less people feeling that they have to stay stuck or alone while trying to navigate divorce. And, that readers will feel a little more confident to interview potential coaches and mediators. It can be hard to see beyond what we have been used to seeing, but sometimes a blog can give us just enough perspective to make a difference in our line of sight.

Best of all that is hepful for your journey,

Allison

Dr. Allison Salvino, MDiv., BCC- MH & WVH; Mediator